13/52

Sometimes the best way to wait for the tea kettle to boil is with your feet up on the counter, looking at the mess in the sink. Dishes in the sink means the house is lived in, okay?

This week I:

• painted 2 rooms! had a paint fight while we were at it. and now my room is clean and white.
• because of Easter, I thought a lot about how the resurrection of Christ brings hope and life into my life right now. The gospel speaks truth and joy and hope into the realities of everyday. I've been starting to realize this more and more. "We seem to believe that we are justified by faith alone in the gospel of Christ, but from then on, it's pretty much up to us to accomplish our sanctification. We fail to see that being made right by God happens through faith, and growth comes through faith also. The faith that saves is the faith that sanctifies, because it rests alone on Christ and his work." -Rose Marie Miller, from "From Fear to Freedom."
• I have not been truly praying the way that I want to. It's amazing to see the way my heart so quickly turns to discontentedness, fear, anxiety, laziness, and grumpiness when I don't pray. When I'm not remembering to praise God, to have a thankful heart, and when I'm not asking for the Holy Spirit to be at work in my life. I have been seeing my need for Christ so so much. So here is to a week where I am turning to Him constantly... it's the only way! 

12/52

My camera is broken and the only other cameras in my house are a really old film one and the one on my sister's ipod. So lets not dwell on how awful this ipod photo is.

These are things that help give me a calm heart:
1. the bible
2. my journal
3. my pens
4. chapstick
5. incense
6. tea

This week I:
made a lot of mistakes and hurt a lot of people and made a lot of bad decisions. because of that, i learned more of God's grace than i thought was possible. there is always more to learn, because we are always worse than we think we are.
where to move on from here? humble dependence on God to live every minute of every day. trust in Jesus to change my heart. trust that i can move forward, and know that i will make mistakes again, but he's already defeated death and sin. AMEN.

11/52

                                                                 Cara and Jasper

Kind of like this photo.
Except look how much he's grown!

just a thought

10/52

           Ben, with a deer skull, on the first day of the year that it felt like spring might actually come.

This week I:

• got stuck in a tree
• had some fun adventures with a shopping cart named Leonard Leroy
• watched hot rod and laughed (probably i laughed too much) (but its okay)
• have been learning more and more what it is to really TRUST God. Like, every moment, all my heart kind of trust. It's hard. But good.

9/52

The beautiful Charlotte. She will always be my favorite person to photograph. There is an honesty & a vulnerability in a child's face that is lost when you try to photograph an adult or teenager. I've been noticing that in my own self, especially this past week, the 9th week of 2013.

1. Honesty. I think we lose our honesty in general as we grow. We don't wear our heart on our sleeve anymore, we don't let our face show what we feel, we tuck it all away. I don't mean honesty as in telling the truth, I mean being a true genuine person. Someone with integrity. Someone who doesn't put on a different self at different times. 
                               
                                  "I think it's intoxicating when someone is so unapologetically who they are." 

Why is it so hard to be genuine? I get insecure so I act like I'm having fun when I'm not, or I shut down and become really quiet. Both can be dishonest. There's nothing wrong with having fun and there's nothing wrong with being quiet, but it's wrong to force either one for fear of other people's opinions.

2. Vulnerability. You can't love anyone at all without being vulnerable. You can't love without the very real possibility of being hurt. Sometimes I find myself trying not to feel. I tell myself "don't feel that way, don't care too much, you'll only get hurt, don't cry, don't show anyone that it matters." This is the act of self preservation, and in the process we certainly lose the ability to love others like Christ loved us. That was love without limits. We can't set limits on love to protect ourselves from pain. 

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." -the classic quote by C.S. Lewis.

And:

"Skipping like a calf loosed from its stall, I'm free to love once and for all and even when I fall I'll get back up for the joy that overflows my cup, heaven has filled me with more than enough, broke down my levees and my bluffs, let the flood wash me..." -Josh Garrels, Farther Along

I love that line "free to love," because that is what we are in Christ: free. We are freed from needing to protect ourselves. God will take care of us. The sacrifice he made is enough. We are free to love others and spend ALL on them because we have been given all the love we could possibly imagine. Even when we fall or it backfires, or its awkward or socially unacceptable or inconvenient, we will be picked back up with the joy that we have in Christ. So go ahead and be vulnerable! I think this means a lot of things, but especially don't be afraid to be real. It isn't loving anyone to act like someone you're not. Say brave things. Do kind deeds. Love boldly.